Park your scream for free

Pardon me while I get tired of texting

2009-03-09T05:24:00.000-07:00

Oh it's just so difficult to type with your finger wrapped around with a band-aid. And this is not even a real big issue to begin with. But I'm beginning to appreciate my fingers a whole lot more when I get all these cuts... which is like ALWAYS since I got to Cairns. Yeap, everything here just keeps slicing my skin off without me even realizing it.

So TNQ approved my application and they're going to show me through the apartment again (with the current tenants gone) before I sign the agreement. Yay! This could be it. I finally got my own pad right smack in the city. The whole 30 minute walk from Draper Street is just killing me, especially when you're in an attire that's not conditioned to be worn in the hot sun. Gedik mode aside, nobody would've been this patient to go through the whole bus-waiting process which is:

a) uncertain
b) again, uncertain

after being fucked with the effing bus FIVE freaking times. It's ridiculous. No proper bus timings and bus stops. They're going taxi style up here, where you 'hail' a bus... which is the stupidest idea ever because you're just risking your life away most of the time. Thanks to that I missed last Monday's weekly meeting and spent 8 bucks on a cab, only having to arrive at 10 to 9. Bad news man, bad news. Anyhoo the new place is just a 10 minute walk to the office, and it's easyaccess to everything (i.e. ehem ESPLANADE woohoo!) so I'm stoked alright.

I still have a list of touristy things to do here, and I'm just really glad Jen and Jess are around for me to do them with. It's a bitch that they're leaving in a little more than a month, I couldn't ask for better flatties. Last weekend felt so dead when they were in Sydney, seriously. Hamish and the bad weather didn't help much either. We're going to Lake Eacham, which is a lake of volcanic origin in Atherton Tablelands (about an hour's drive from Cairns) this weekend so that should be fun.

Rare but not uncommon.

2009-02-18T18:12:00.000-08:00

Wha? I fucking am not Not Happy (two negatives make a positive you see), so whachootokinbout?

Yes, they're in Cairns too. I blame BOBBY full stop

Another one of them pretty looking machines. Loving the curtains (sorry no photo).

There were seawater crocs climbing into the outlet that connects the dam and the sea. They attacked many, apparently (Okay the picture's just for show because I couldn't find actual pictures of them literally moving into the dam).

Yeah, I love anything made of wood.

The current happy place :D

Pretty intense.

Amphibians. They're always better than reptiles. Or at least I think so.

And you call this Australia? Haha.

End.

Extreme UV

2009-02-18T17:15:00.000-08:00

So I'm already settled in a temporary place up here in the sunny sunny coast. This part of Oz is very different from anywhere I've ever lived in my life, and that includes Cherating because we only go there several times in a year to visit Opa. If you like a lot of sun, sea water and just walking around half-naked without a care in the world, I'd say Cairns is a good place to start before you head to Ibiza or any place of that sort. I must say the tropical weather makes it feel so much like home. I guess them jackets won't be out of the closet for a verrrry long time.

The trip from the airport to Minnie Street (So Disney, can?) wasn't too appealing. It could be because of the trees and more trees I passed by that made this place looked like a complete godforsaken town. But the cab driver really did move me. He was single armed but was still able to drive. His thhhhhhick Aussie accent made it difficult for me but he still amazed me nonetheless. Wish we could have more of that in other parts of the world. Hah. That's like three degrees below the idea of wanting world peace, which is only a dream.

The flatties are just awesome. And coming from me who has experienced probably the worst flatmate experience ever, you can call this something totally unexpected. We made dinner for the past two nights and they're simply great company.

I think I've pretty much familiarized myself with the streets here. It's somewhat a grid just like good old Melbourne, which makes it simple to remember. And for most people here, cycling is the way to go. Apart from the fact that the public transportation's completely lousy (there's only buses and they only come every hour), the risk of getting run down by a cement lorry is probably close to none. I think I see more of a pedestrian traffic in the CBD, which is cool.

Oh, and I swear the Esplanade pool is by far the best thing I've encountered here. Oh yes I'm in love with it.

Four days until the nine to five starts. Scarrrrry, but exciting nonetheless :)

Saved application

2009-01-17T18:39:00.000-08:00

Why hello there! I'm back down under where I am most inspired to write.. or should I say, desperate to find something interesting to do. Here I go again, up after midday, with my usual fix of Nesquik and milk, typing away. I have about a month until I am forced to leave this space for good, with a completely new and unfamiliar hideout up there in the sunny sunny coast. Shucks. I should really start on that very very soon. See, the fear of being alienated is one thing, but the idea of living one hundred percent off your own income stream in a completely foreign land is another thing. Yikes. This doesn't sound too good. Again I tell myself. Ah well, such is life, c'est la vie.

Anyhoo, Miss Kucing Kopi tagged me in yet another one of these.

Do you think you're hot?

I thought I would be here until I've recently obtained hard evidence that Melbourne is indeed one confused city. 11 degrees during Summer reads senget.

Upload your favourite picture of you!

Why do you like that picture?
Because it expresses how I feel towards an acrobat-wannabe monkey and an obesed sheep.

When was the last time you ate pizza?
Domino's. Last week. In the living room of SS4. With the family. While laughing at these really cheesy commercials on TV3.

The last song you listened to?

Music from Gossip Girl. Name and artist unknown.

What are you doing now besides this?
Trying to get on realestate.com.au but the site's taking ages to load.

What name would you prefer besides yours?
Jabba.

People to tag:

Hafriz Abdul Rahman
Adilah Keizrul
Nik Hanis
Err. That's it? Gee. I need more people on my blog.

Who is number 1?
Pakcik yang bekerja di Auckland dan sangat committed to his job sampai forget the world sudah. Boo.

Number 3 is having a relationship with?
Budak Starbucks maybe?

Say something about number 5?
N/A.

How about number 4?
Thanks for reading this far.

Who is number two?
Gonjeng.

Jabba Hubba

2008-12-30T03:07:00.000-08:00

Now, who thinks this creature below is the sexiest thing ever? Bottomless Strawberry Chupa Chups literally popping out of your ears for anyone who's with me. Woot!

Another one bites the habuk

2008-12-30T02:05:00.000-08:00

So I've witnessed more than one process of change in the year 2008. Big ones, small ones; they all matter just as much. It started off early this year for Malaysia, followed by the huge transition in the US, and now in this little state I've been brought into. It has been truly rewarding to be able to see such happenings momentarily, as they don't come often, and sometimes never again. Without a doubt there are the cons, and the sadness which adds up to them. But I guess realistically speaking, they're part and parcel of it all and there's never an escape, which is why I've always believed moderation can be a complete pain.

Aside all that gibberish talk (heh heh), I've learned much more than I thought I would have in this eventful year of the Rat. Kamonmen, give me some credit for finally being able to eat sushi and all things Japanese with passion :D And it's not everyday that someone who thinks zorbing is the coolest thing ever gets to experience what it's all about in the land of the sheeps :D :D But above it all it's really about being able to make them old folks the two happiest people alive, even if it was just for two minutes :D :D :D

Now I have approximately 29 hours to make the most of it and gee, obviously, I'm not putting in much effort now, am I?

Let's go preggers, for all it's worth

2008-12-06T05:05:00.000-08:00

And so I believe,

there can never be good company at home with the absence of good food. Yes, this is coming from someone who currently has to live with a big belly, due to constant consumption of food that is just to-die-for. In other words, I'd cheat to eat. Lol.

No amount of lamb dipped in mint sauce could be compared to any amount of sambal udang petai and chili crabs.

Therefore, I would like to cordially invite everyone to celebrate Malaysian Food Appreciation Day (which is everyday for me).

Never hold back when it comes to food just because of an unappealing appearance. After all, we're all going to die anyways.

P.s: I think it's pretty obvious I've very much adopted the bad(?) habit of living to eat, instead of eating to live.

More Vitamin A please

2008-12-01T19:10:00.000-08:00

You know, I have always failed to differentiate between what is serious and what is not. I tend to get the both mixed up, disappoint myself, and subsequently start picturing ugly images in my head.

I lack judgment. I lack control. I need another compact cassette and my Aiwa walkman.

Everyday my confusion grows

2008-11-08T04:23:00.000-08:00

The reality of having to reluctantly close a new chapter is just plain... cruel. Especially when you have finally found a reason to happily get up to everyday.

Honestly, I've never been this worn-out. Safe to say that I have put 200% of everything I have in me. If this doesn't show any good, well, let's just say God has His ways of giving you a tight slap in the face.

I am closing my eyes tonight hoping to dream of...

...my temporary high.

In the night-time I meet new anxieties

2008-11-01T06:04:00.000-07:00

Thoughts, thoughts, and more thoughts. Empty thoughts and meaningful ones, all jumbled up in this little mind of mine. Each one forcing its way to occupy at least a little bit of space in my brain.

But there's only so much of cerebrum space I can spare.

Now, now.

You there! *points to the one with red eyes*

Please leave me in peace. My focus should be on substantive procedures, and not zebras, or Ikea meatballs, or Kele Okereke and co., or, or, or, OR, the fact that I don't feel like absorbing any more information in relation to audit. Well then again, that's a given since who likes studying anyways.

I want to hit a pinata just because it's meant to be hit and I want to swing my arms. Well, if I end up hitting other things (i.e. furniture), it would be considered as vandalism and of course, it's just another way for me to hurt myself (Zed's going to kill me, that is). I am of course, accident prone.

The massive bruise on my thigh for being physically abused (no, I was not really abused but it just sounds nice in a sentence), the burnt scar right next to my belly button because of the exothermic reaction from applying superglue to cotton, all happened on the same week.

I must stop being restless. It scares me that this habit that I have of always wanting to move will lead to constant agitation.

The most peculiar feeling

2008-10-31T04:47:00.000-07:00

Oceans of angels, oceans of stars,
Down by the sea is where you drown your scars
- Courtney Love

Someday I will ache like you ache.

It's time

2008-10-05T18:01:00.000-07:00

I turned left when you said no. I turned right when you said yes. So where exactly am I supposed to turn when you say you don't know?

All of a sudden, a big thought bubble filled with 2456 question marks starts to appear out of nowhere.

Sixth of July two-thousand and eight. Jom kalut.

Fire le missiles! (But I am le tired)

2008-09-28T05:56:00.000-07:00

I was blog-hopping after centuries of abandoning the internet. Well, not really. I am still guilty as charged for my regular facebook hits. But the numbers are declining overtime. It's a good thing I suppose. I must say I've been on my toes for the past week and I've never been more satisfied with the amount of accrued sleep I debited the whole of today and yesterday. I have a big smile on my face now. Eee yes, I'm smiling to myself. Eee, what the? Eee. Very eee.

Okay so I am now going to participate in this 15 randoms of this very random life.

My one-week spring break is going on at the moment. Plus, Eid is in a few days. So yes, a reasonable person would have an agenda to look forward to. For once, I have no plans and I'm pretty okay about it as well. It does seem a little sad when you know your bestfriend is spending quality rendang + ketupat time with his/her family while you watch a dog catch a frisbee at the park. My emphasis here would be that raya here is just like every other day for me.
In less than two months, I'm gunna be singing and jumping at Festival Hall, Melbourne. Yesssss, what a way to end my degree (with God's will, of course). Does Halo and Helicopter ring a bell? :D Many thanks to Hafriz.
I find it hard to leave the house without my nasal spray nowadays. It used to be the cellphone, but now I can't care less about it if my nasal spray isn't next to me. True, priorities change as you grow.
For some odd reason, I have the US national anthem stuck in my head for the past 2 days. Must be the influence of endofworld.net
"Why so glump, chump?", he said.
The exam timetable's out. I am done with all my assignments. Which leaves me to be paranoid all over again.
I collected 5 out of 10 of the Yarra Trams "Did You Know?" Passenger Cards. I missed the first five when I was in New Zealand, so if anyone who happens to know what I'm talking about and somehow has extras, I'd be more than happy to exchange numbers with you.
The posters on my wall keep coming off due to the strong wind and warm weather these days. It's such a pain to stick 'em back again and again. Okay, why do I sound like I'm complaning?
Apparently, I'm pure. Wha-aa-aat?
Scuba-diving when I'm back in Malaysia! I want I want I want I must I must I must. Discipline, my friend.
I think Elmo is a self-absorbed bastard. I will never look at him the same way again. Eurgh.
My thoughts are with Jennifer Shonali Mendes who's in Hong Kong at her dad's funeral. I've never seen anyone as strong as her, really.
Turn that frown.
Upside down.
But I didn't say smile.

Not much of an interesting one. Kering, but hopefully rangup.
Corniness at my best. Ngeh.

To more hooray hooray days, people!

Aira.

Kids

2008-09-18T01:41:00.000-07:00

A 14-year old boy and a 22-year old girl in the tram on the way back from school.

Boy: Hey, do you have a smoke? *puffs*

Girl: Excuse me?

Boy: Heh heh. I'm just kidding. *pulls girl's hand*

Boy: Oh my God, are you double jointed or something? *bends girl's thumb backwards*

Girl: No, I guess I'm just flexible.

Boy: Wow, that's amazing *tries to bend own thumb while squinting*. My hands are dirty because I was gardening.

Girl: Oh, where? *bends boy's thumb a couple of times*

Boy: In school. Wait, where are you from?

Girl: Where do you want me to come from?

Boy: Hmmm. America?

Girl: Okay then, America it is.

Boy: But you look Chinese?

Girl: Why can't Chinese people be Americans?

Boy: So you are Chinese?

Girl: Well, I could be Korean or Indonesian.

Boy: Ah, you're Indonesian! Okay, speak something Indonesian.

Girl: Selamat pagi. Okay run along now.

Talkative little rascals make me smile.

Stretch like a cat

2008-09-02T05:47:00.000-07:00

Today marks another day where things just seem to fall out of place. Or so I think. I do not know what gets to me when I am surrounded by closed doors. I don't think straight, I make a mess of myself, and I just mourn over everything I do, which is basically, nothing. Until today I still can't comprehend this rather amusing behavior I possess every time I feel incredibly... unstable.

I tell myself it's normal, I tell you that it's normal, and I keep reminding myself that tomorrow I'll feel better when I get up to a new morning. Maybe you think being invisible is not that big of a deal. And maybe you are right. Or maybe I try too hard to make everything look completely okay when me, you, and everyone we know knows that it is not. Yes, I throw in 200% of my effort and yes, I choose how I want things to go by. So what do you do when you're out of choices already?

Its obvious that this is coming out of me due to plain boredom. If this is how it is at 22, boy, the only thing I have left to say for myself is; fucking weak, you are.

Roti John

2008-09-01T23:24:00.000-07:00

These things seem to come each and every month. Well I guess menstruation can't be avoided unless I get rid of my ovaries. But the cough, the sinus, the horrible stomach discomfort; it's like they self-activate themselves whenever they delightfully feel like torturing me. Which leaves me to only one thing I am capable of; begging for life's mercy. Unfortunately, the drugs don't work anymore.

Happy Ramadhan.

I sit and stare

2008-08-25T07:02:00.000-07:00

Nothing could ever be truer and more meaningful, be it in the literal sense or otherwise, than the belief that people will always, always leave. You get some, and you leave some. You GET SOME, GET SOME, and you're left with nothing but five bucks. And that only happens if you're luckier than that dude who creates his own perception of art with fire and an aerosol can down the street.

Now you wouldn't want to spend your last five dollars on a bottle of beer now, would you?

Cookie cutter

2008-08-15T05:27:00.000-07:00

Again, I question myself.
Just how far am I supposed to tolerate with insensitivity?
It's such a misery to know you're never remembered, never thought about, never ever taken seriously.

You:

search.
shift.
slip.
tolerate.
burst.
repeat.

I should put that on tape. Sell-out.

You try your best to please. You try your best to satisfy. You give. You refuse to accept anything in return. You praise. You say all things nice beyond your belief. You never make a fuss. You put others ahead of yourself. You tolerate. You fucking respect. Geez. You're an idiot.

When will I ever learn that the world is just bloody cruel?
I must stop living in a movie.

Thank God it's free.

Recurring

2008-08-11T18:53:00.000-07:00

My dreams haven't been pretty of late. And it's ironic how you tend to remember those kinda dreams crystal clearly. The sweet, fairy floss-filled ones will always be semi-stored in your head and as much as you desire to recall it, there'll be a few missing pieces here and there which make the whole picture a little too vague for you to appreciate. Pity.

Why can't I have dreams which involve purple dragons and a stubborn strand of hair instead? Beh.

The Flash

2008-08-04T10:09:00.000-07:00

A tribute to everything and anything outta space.

I kinda like the fact that I care too much and I am shamelessly intimidated.

But I love whipping your arse more, I'll give you that.

You know you love me! Ngee.

P.s: I see THE moon.

No such thing as an 'F'

2008-06-21T07:02:00.000-07:00

There. I've slipped, I've knocked my head so hard to the hardest of all rocks. Yet I still feel like a half-empty glass.

And then you came along, with a fine looking Chinese old man who fits perfectly into my definition of an 'orang tua gila comel'. His trishaw was all he needed to rely on. It was, and will always be, the one and only thing that adds up to his lifetime of happiness.

No fancy cars nor fare evasion karmas.

Just a whole lifetime of pedalling with a passenger that will never ever stop believing in him.

:)

Weird Fishes/Arpeggi

2008-06-11T06:17:00.001-07:00

Wouldn't it be awesome if your partner could be a rainbow?

A drawing. A reflection. A logo. A pair of socks. A flag. A Rubik's Cube. Crayola. Thom Yorke. Nintendo. Skittles. A carpet. A towel. Thom Yorke. A tattoo. A hot air balloon. Post-its. The Simpsons. Thom Yorke.

At least I would be reassured that the colors won't ever fade again.

Coacher

2008-06-06T17:48:00.001-07:00

It's crazy how I can go nuts without google. My internet got temporarily disconnected and I actually had the thought of stabbing that bastard next door, no joke. The knife was already held tightly in my right hand. All I needed was guts. P.s: I was cooking.

But of course, it was just a phase. I haven't lost that one particular screw up in my head yet. Instead, I took out my coin purse which is where I'm supposed to barf my emotions out. That's where all the unnecessary thoughts that accumulate to unnecessary stress go to. I'm thinking the color will turn from pink to black in no time.

This is all because of the confusion I had between Mark Ruffalo and Benjamin Bratt. Mmm Hmm. I am scaring you, aren't I? Oh no.

My point is, it's possible whoever came up with the quote 'Curiosity Kills' meant it literally. These kind of people have definitely unscrewed that special screw due to excessive thinking.

Google is a bitch. It's a nice day to be alive though :)

Octopus

2008-06-05T03:55:00.000-07:00

Salam Cafe was discussing about an invention called the 'Automatic Wudu' Machine' last night. So, I decided to put my google hat on to find out more about it. Apparently its been around for two years already. Gee. Talk about lembabness.

So this is how you perform ablution effortlessly.

Yeah, and in a couple of years you should be expecting an 'Automatic Praying Machine' where you'll have some equipment that'll help you perform your rukuks and sujuds. Or maybe a robot that'll put your telekung on for you because you're just too bloody sleepy to reach out for it during subuh prayers.

In respect to this, I would want to say technology is a pain but that's sorta questioning my faith indirectly as well.

So I shall sit down quietly here and finish up my readings.

Ooooh, before I go, here's a few tunes you might wanna try listening if you're feeling a tad shady. It'll instantly make you wanna kick your shoes and strum that air guitar or come up with ridiculous dance moves. Lol. Okay busted! :P

The late 80's/early 90's always does wonders to me, for reasons unknown. It's probably the most disliked era, in comparison to the 60's and 70's. The videos made are hilarious though. This video by Haircut 100 is just... odd. Lol. Aaand I might have to add that it was the 'dress gone wrong' era though. Some of those neon colors were sooooo wrong (and they're actually back again this time around alongside the whole Ray-Ban craze going on). But really, I need a fashion police of my own too, so I might not be the best person to discuss fashion issues. Ah well, my MLP t-shirt says it all :)

1) Starship - We built this city
2) Billy Joel - We didn't start the fire (Amazinggggg)
3) A-Ha - Take on me
4) Bon Jovi - Livin' on a prayer (Ahh forever and ever I shall love! Lol)
5) The Cure - Boys don't cry
6) Katrina and The Waves - I'm walking on sunshine
7) Go West - King of wishful thinking

Sakitla.

Unguided

2008-06-02T08:16:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think I have this huge amount of respect for people who are self-absorbed. Yes, they're probably the most arrogant bunch around but I really look up to their honesty. Their honesty of loving themselves so much which makes them look very genuine.

Truth be told, its pointless to love others when you find it so hard to love yourself in the first place.

Dazed days

2008-05-30T08:38:00.000-07:00

After climbing four flights of stairs, I start to lose focus and deliberately lose my balance while walking. Funny thing is, it only applies to a particular place and time. It hit me after having to go through the same thing every single week on Thursdays at 3pm in Building N. The building doesn't have a lift or anything, it's a pretty isolated building at the back of the Cheese Building. So, every time I make my way up to Room N3.09 (3 means its on the third floor), its always a close call of tumbling at the very last few steps. It takes me approximately 45 seconds to a minute to reach the top (yes, I'm a snail. Blame it on the backpack full of bricks).

And so, theoretically speaking, this opens to a few possibilities:

1) I get bored easily doing the same thing for more than a minute. Hence, the thoughts fly elsewhere. I might have it somewhere in my head that climbing stairs is a drag when I could be flying a kite instead.

2) I am always hungry. I am not enjoying the fact that my metabolism rate is as high as the sky. All I think about the next minute is something to munch on. Safe to say the last few steps could be of Hungry Jack's or even better, Nasi Goreng Tomyam.

3) Almost half of the day has been spent in school, so I might be all tired already by 3 o'clock.

4) For a more logical answer, I'd say I'm lacking sufficient amount of exercise. I stopped swimming, I don't run around the house only to find myself with a broken nose anymore. It's pretty but its even uglier. I'm just tired most of the time. Brisk-walking might count a wee bit though. Although at most times when I end up on this bed where I'm typing this, I'll completely doze off. Kalah orang kerja kilang.

Here's to a tired life. I'm still trying to figure out whether it's something to be content about or not. But there's a smile on my face somehow. Could it be?

This is when you screeeeeeeeeam!

2008-05-27T07:45:00.000-07:00

Thought you might need this in your next rock paper scissors challenge. Lol. For the nth time, I don't give a bird's wing about how board meetings are conducted. Gah. I want to spend one whole day playing video games and nothing else. Take me to Federation Square please. This is too detrimental for me.

Let's call it a night.

She works out tax returns

2008-05-27T02:36:00.000-07:00

2004

9 years and many many more to come I hope. Happy 22nd Haniza Hazer! Even though it is amazing to see how you've physically evolved from a porcupine to Ashlee Simpson, I am pretty darn sure there are quite a significant number of things that haven't changed in you - you're forever an expert in exaggerating, super-bubbly, full of life, bising, suka-complain-bosan, and definitely always on the look out for the ones close to you.

As much as I know that you know this so well, I'll say it again, for the sake of your birthday.

You've aged. It's high time you start acting like an adult. Lol.
Nah. Really? I love you. So very much. Have an awesome 22nd. Xoxo.

It's no big truth

2008-05-26T06:30:00.000-07:00

I am officially an Alien Investigator based on the alphabets in my name. Just what I've been looking for, something out of the ordinary. I wish I had the ability to actually execute the power of abduction. At least it portrays some form of difference in comparison with you, you, and her.

Again, I keep wishing. Yeah, like them folks always say, the fruit's never going to fall off the tree. And in certain instances I'd imagine myself as the tree. Well, truth is, the tree needs intensive care due to lack of sunlight, carbon dioxide, and the works. Like that big guy in the Never ending Story who waits for the world to fall in front of him. He looks quite aged, doesn't he?

Forget that. It's coming to a dead end.

Now let's all hold hands and be proud of the El Arbol de Tule, for he/she managed (and still is managing) to make a name for him/her self.

Everyone has been anal today, including yours truly. Joy to the world.

Back aches

2008-05-24T07:00:00.000-07:00

One phone call from someone totally unexpected does wonders to your mood swings. Thank you, dear friend. Hoping that you'll have gorgeous babies and of course, discover the science behind the amazing "magic dust". I swear it'd be a perfect gift to Malaysia. We need more people like you in this world. At least Burma does.

A moment to live

2008-05-23T04:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I found out that my housemate only showers twice a week. ....................... (This is to imply how I was completely lost with words). Have I missed out on something here? Is it normal for middle-easterners to go without cleaning themselves up to 5 days in a week? I guess its considerable if you're living in a land where water is scarce. But this is freaking Australia for pete's sake. The country's beyond civilized for a reasonable person to bathe once a day at the very least. This dude is after every penny in my pocket. Right to the core. Bastard. The things I get myself into. Sigh.

Yesterday I finally got up on time for my 10 o'clock lecture. My alarm woke me up at 7:30a.m. Of course the snooze function has always been there to let you sleep in. The thing's a setan, man. To add up to that, it was a perfect weather of 4 degrees outside to just bury yourself under the duvet. Irresistible much? An hour of snoozing with random disturbing thoughts bouncing every five minutes made me get up and head to the bathroom. I was anxious. I was worried. I wasn't exactly sure why I was restless. As I got out of the house I realized that my anxiety was a blessing in disguise. The road cleaners were doing their job and they definitely wouldn't have left me in peace and harmony to continue snoring away.

Yesterday amongst all the days for the past two months of jumping on and off the tram, I decided to valid a Zone 2 metcard on my way to school. Yesterday amongst all the days as well, I made an effort to walk all the way to the milk bar down Auburn Road to get the Zone 2 metcard because I was short of coins to get it on the tram. I don't know whether it was guilt for not really paying for transportation all this while or it was just due to plain boredom. Whatever the reason was, my instincts did not fool me this time. There were actually about 10 of them standing at the stop in front of school. Damn was I the luckiest person alive or what. A couple of boys were chased by one of the inspectors on the tram track and they almost got run down by a passing tram. Pretty hilarious. They're going all full-on now, man. Macam polis.

Yesterday a friend randomly asked whether I believe in the existence of a soul mate. She also asked whether my current relationship is with my soul mate. Things I couldn't find answers to. I wasn't exactly sure on what a soul mate actually is and that itself could not lead me to answer any of them. Does your soul tell you whether a person is your soul mate? Are you supposed to talk to your soul to find the answer? How do you actually talk to your soul anyway? Is that mate of your soul supposed to have some sort of inner connection with you that nobody else has? Quoting from the dictionary this is what I've got;

soul mate

One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity.

If this is a mere definition of it, boy have I a whole lot of searching to do.

Have your say

2008-05-19T21:38:00.000-07:00

I seem to find ease by typing a whole lot of junk here. Since I've totally distant myself from various other forms of communicating tools, I've learnt to be less dependent on people in general. This might be the most pathetic thing to do, yet the most useful start to dig deep and search for better things to do. I blame it all on that silly boy down there, but again, it would contradict what I said yesterday if I decide not to take things positively.

So yeah, however fucked-up things are, and even if everything seems to go completely wrong, I.. shall.. breathe. Hard. Like never before. After all, as quoted by dad sometime last year, I literally have minor breathing problems. Why? Because I get high at the most unusual times (i.e. abrupt intolerable hyperness). Apparently, it has something to do with the amount of oxygen that fills up my brain. Its either too much or too little. Lack of balance, however you want to put it. Having said that, this must mean something apart from the literal sense, don't you think?

No, this does not mean I've taken a huge step towards my ultimate goal in becoming THE GIP (Tried, but failed. Lol). I still hold strong to this awful habit of procrastinating. I need that habit in me, because somehow or rather it keeps me going through my days. Procrastinating doesn't mean you don't do anything at all. You learn by doing things that people think might not be academic-related or do much towards your personal development. I personally believe that these things actually help you discover yourself and what makes you happy. It might be a drawing of your cat because it's the easiest thing to think of if you're lacking creativity (like myself). Gee, this doesn't sound all that great now, does it?

Its true. You'd appreciate and be thankful to those who care and those who don't give two fucks about you as well. They affect, in more ways than one.

Not the doctor

2008-05-19T03:20:00.000-07:00

Oh my. Isn't it grand to come home to a surprise? Rationally speaking, it really would depend on whether that particular surprise possesses positive attributes or otherwise. Well, reasons set aside, today I received one. Come to think of it, it isn't really much of a surprise considering the fact that I sort of found out about it already. I am, being my usual confused self, excited and thrilled yet anxious and extremely afraid. But of course, everything is tentative. U-huh, the never ending hurdles in life is just always standing still right in front of my face. I wonder, what did I do to this amazing noun called LIFE because all he or she (gender yet to be discovered) does is make things incredibly difficult for me. I would say the ratio between my fine easy moments and all the hardship I've managed (thank God) to endure would be a 2:934594759843769. Of course, I'm just coming up with a random figure without putting other factors such as age, gender, religion etcetera into account.

Which leaves me thinking. Some girls my age are living the life out of their parents' hard-earned fulus. Not that I have anything against that. I sincerely believe rezeki comes in all shapes and sizes, and these girls are getting them in the form of happiness that's made popular here on earth. I wonder when they will actually see things that are offered beyond that though. I mean it's cool if they do and they just don't publicize it. As always, some might think this is just another way of stereotyping but I reckon the act of inappreciativeness does only one single thing; it lets your true colors shine.

The other bunch on the other hand are they, who seem to struggle their way through life as if they're little kids in Burma trying to find food to put on the table and clothing to keep them warm because of God's way of testing us (i.e. the natural disaster known as 'cyclone'). Girls like these are very determined and strong. And the only obvious reason why they are the way they are is how they've been brought up. They strive to great lengths, and fall off the cliff numerous times. Despite all this, they're patient, and they complain less. They see things positively in every way possible, and they learn so much that I just can't express how I admire these people.

From my lower secondary to my upper secondary days, I've seen it all. I've seen how different people see different things in various angles. I've been through the whole "Oi, kau ingat kau comel ke nak bising dengan suara nyaring kau tu? Lawa sangat ah tu tak pakai tudung. Kau memang pantang." to "Oh my God, poyo gila dia tu. Like please lah, I'm the one who should be with him in the first place."

Now that I've passed that phase and I've grown out of those kiddish high school moments, I should be damn proud of where I've ended. I should be grasping opportunities as they fly by. As reality speaks, what each and every individual go through is pretty subjective. Everyone is open to all possibilities. Everyone is given a chance. Everyone has different ways of approaching it. Mine would be different from yours. If I wait a little longer, I might end up with yours and you would end up with mine. And you never know, the odds of that might just make the world a better place for the both of us.

Time, space, and worlds that collide. That's pretty much what there is to it.

Stepping stones

2008-05-17T07:07:00.000-07:00

I have failed to incessantly stop depending on the internet for the purpose of ranting about the glorious ups and downs of this 'yes-I-tell-myself-its-marvelous-to-make-me-feel-better' life of mine. I thought I had it all wrapped up in my old space, for I made a mental note to myself that I shall not spend ridiculous amounts of hours composing a mouthful of words that seem to add up to nothing. Frankly, I admit that nobody could really make sense of what I used to write most of the time. I don't blame them, because I always tend to go on and on being too verbose, and consequently fail to prove my point. Sheesh. Well, hope I don't sound too boring already, because I am currently placed in a fairly satisfying room condition (i.e. dimmed lights with the rain pouring outside.. okay maybe not. It WAS pouring, but I think it's only drizzling now) with a cup of creamy hot chocolate for the extra fix.

The weather's been depressing throughout. Thank God its the weekend, saves the burden of getting all soaked when you're hopping on and off the tram. I'm thinking of getting myself a yellow raincoat, the same color to what I once had when I was 4. I remember it had a little picture of a house next to a rainbow printed at the bottom left of the coat, and I packed it in my mini backpack together with my red lunch box everyday to Montessori. It's great to be able to recall the little things that happened when you were young, it makes you smile to think that everything seemed to be all nice and dandy as a kid..

...before you snap back to reality and you realize that you have exactly one (1) month to your final exams. What a let down. Good to know that I did have much going on the whole day. Finally after two (2) months of moving into this humble (maybe a tad snobbish) abode of mine, I got around doing some intense cleaning (i.e. vacuuming). Lol. Yes, I reckon that's considered intense enough when you hardly even arrange your books properly on your shelf. Okay, this is quite a bad impression of myself but I'm not all that untidy really. Its just that I leave everything to the end, and well, that's why the rough patches need extra attention and care.

I thought I had it all in good hands this time. I thought I had something to fall back onto. I thought the time has come for me to deserve a little bit more than before. Maybe it's just another decade of waiting, waiting, and more waiting. God forbid, I don't wanna feel how I felt a couple of hours ago. I'm walking on ice.