After climbing four flights of stairs, I start to lose focus and deliberately lose my balance while walking. Funny thing is, it only applies to a particular place and time. It hit me after having to go through the same thing every single week on Thursdays at 3pm in Building N. The building doesn't have a lift or anything, it's a pretty isolated building at the back of the Cheese Building. So, every time I make my way up to Room N3.09 (3 means its on the third floor), its always a close call of tumbling at the very last few steps. It takes me approximately 45 seconds to a minute to reach the top (yes, I'm a snail. Blame it on the backpack full of bricks).
And so, theoretically speaking, this opens to a few possibilities:
1) I get bored easily doing the same thing for more than a minute. Hence, the thoughts fly elsewhere. I might have it somewhere in my head that climbing stairs is a drag when I could be flying a kite instead.
2) I am always hungry. I am not enjoying the fact that my metabolism rate is as high as the sky. All I think about the next minute is something to munch on. Safe to say the last few steps could be of Hungry Jack's or even better, Nasi Goreng Tomyam.
3) Almost half of the day has been spent in school, so I might be all tired already by 3 o'clock.
4) For a more logical answer, I'd say I'm lacking sufficient amount of exercise. I stopped swimming, I don't run around the house only to find myself with a broken nose anymore. It's pretty but its even uglier. I'm just tired most of the time. Brisk-walking might count a wee bit though. Although at most times when I end up on this bed where I'm typing this, I'll completely doze off. Kalah orang kerja kilang.
Here's to a tired life. I'm still trying to figure out whether it's something to be content about or not. But there's a smile on my face somehow. Could it be?
Friday, May 30, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
This is when you screeeeeeeeeam!
Thought you might need this in your next rock paper scissors challenge. Lol. For the nth time, I don't give a bird's wing about how board meetings are conducted. Gah. I want to spend one whole day playing video games and nothing else. Take me to Federation Square please. This is too detrimental for me.
Let's call it a night.
She works out tax returns
20049 years and many many more to come I hope. Happy 22nd Haniza Hazer! Even though it is amazing to see how you've physically evolved from a porcupine to Ashlee Simpson, I am pretty darn sure there are quite a significant number of things that haven't changed in you - you're forever an expert in exaggerating, super-bubbly, full of life, bising, suka-complain-bosan, and definitely always on the look out for the ones close to you.
As much as I know that you know this so well, I'll say it again, for the sake of your birthday.
You've aged. It's high time you start acting like an adult. Lol.
Nah. Really? I love you. So very much. Have an awesome 22nd. Xoxo.
Monday, May 26, 2008
It's no big truth
I am officially an Alien Investigator based on the alphabets in my name. Just what I've been looking for, something out of the ordinary. I wish I had the ability to actually execute the power of abduction. At least it portrays some form of difference in comparison with you, you, and her.
Again, I keep wishing. Yeah, like them folks always say, the fruit's never going to fall off the tree. And in certain instances I'd imagine myself as the tree. Well, truth is, the tree needs intensive care due to lack of sunlight, carbon dioxide, and the works. Like that big guy in the Never ending Story who waits for the world to fall in front of him. He looks quite aged, doesn't he?
Forget that. It's coming to a dead end.
Now let's all hold hands and be proud of the El Arbol de Tule, for he/she managed (and still is managing) to make a name for him/her self.
Everyone has been anal today, including yours truly. Joy to the world.
Again, I keep wishing. Yeah, like them folks always say, the fruit's never going to fall off the tree. And in certain instances I'd imagine myself as the tree. Well, truth is, the tree needs intensive care due to lack of sunlight, carbon dioxide, and the works. Like that big guy in the Never ending Story who waits for the world to fall in front of him. He looks quite aged, doesn't he?
Forget that. It's coming to a dead end.
Now let's all hold hands and be proud of the El Arbol de Tule, for he/she managed (and still is managing) to make a name for him/her self.
Everyone has been anal today, including yours truly. Joy to the world.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Back aches
One phone call from someone totally unexpected does wonders to your mood swings. Thank you, dear friend. Hoping that you'll have gorgeous babies and of course, discover the science behind the amazing "magic dust". I swear it'd be a perfect gift to Malaysia. We need more people like you in this world. At least Burma does.
Friday, May 23, 2008
A moment to live
Yesterday I found out that my housemate only showers twice a week. ....................... (This is to imply how I was completely lost with words). Have I missed out on something here? Is it normal for middle-easterners to go without cleaning themselves up to 5 days in a week? I guess its considerable if you're living in a land where water is scarce. But this is freaking Australia for pete's sake. The country's beyond civilized for a reasonable person to bathe once a day at the very least. This dude is after every penny in my pocket. Right to the core. Bastard. The things I get myself into. Sigh.
Yesterday I finally got up on time for my 10 o'clock lecture. My alarm woke me up at 7:30a.m. Of course the snooze function has always been there to let you sleep in. The thing's a setan, man. To add up to that, it was a perfect weather of 4 degrees outside to just bury yourself under the duvet. Irresistible much? An hour of snoozing with random disturbing thoughts bouncing every five minutes made me get up and head to the bathroom. I was anxious. I was worried. I wasn't exactly sure why I was restless. As I got out of the house I realized that my anxiety was a blessing in disguise. The road cleaners were doing their job and they definitely wouldn't have left me in peace and harmony to continue snoring away.
Yesterday amongst all the days for the past two months of jumping on and off the tram, I decided to valid a Zone 2 metcard on my way to school. Yesterday amongst all the days as well, I made an effort to walk all the way to the milk bar down Auburn Road to get the Zone 2 metcard because I was short of coins to get it on the tram. I don't know whether it was guilt for not really paying for transportation all this while or it was just due to plain boredom. Whatever the reason was, my instincts did not fool me this time. There were actually about 10 of them standing at the stop in front of school. Damn was I the luckiest person alive or what. A couple of boys were chased by one of the inspectors on the tram track and they almost got run down by a passing tram. Pretty hilarious. They're going all full-on now, man. Macam polis.
Yesterday a friend randomly asked whether I believe in the existence of a soul mate. She also asked whether my current relationship is with my soul mate. Things I couldn't find answers to. I wasn't exactly sure on what a soul mate actually is and that itself could not lead me to answer any of them. Does your soul tell you whether a person is your soul mate? Are you supposed to talk to your soul to find the answer? How do you actually talk to your soul anyway? Is that mate of your soul supposed to have some sort of inner connection with you that nobody else has? Quoting from the dictionary this is what I've got;
soul mate
Yesterday I finally got up on time for my 10 o'clock lecture. My alarm woke me up at 7:30a.m. Of course the snooze function has always been there to let you sleep in. The thing's a setan, man. To add up to that, it was a perfect weather of 4 degrees outside to just bury yourself under the duvet. Irresistible much? An hour of snoozing with random disturbing thoughts bouncing every five minutes made me get up and head to the bathroom. I was anxious. I was worried. I wasn't exactly sure why I was restless. As I got out of the house I realized that my anxiety was a blessing in disguise. The road cleaners were doing their job and they definitely wouldn't have left me in peace and harmony to continue snoring away.
Yesterday amongst all the days for the past two months of jumping on and off the tram, I decided to valid a Zone 2 metcard on my way to school. Yesterday amongst all the days as well, I made an effort to walk all the way to the milk bar down Auburn Road to get the Zone 2 metcard because I was short of coins to get it on the tram. I don't know whether it was guilt for not really paying for transportation all this while or it was just due to plain boredom. Whatever the reason was, my instincts did not fool me this time. There were actually about 10 of them standing at the stop in front of school. Damn was I the luckiest person alive or what. A couple of boys were chased by one of the inspectors on the tram track and they almost got run down by a passing tram. Pretty hilarious. They're going all full-on now, man. Macam polis.
Yesterday a friend randomly asked whether I believe in the existence of a soul mate. She also asked whether my current relationship is with my soul mate. Things I couldn't find answers to. I wasn't exactly sure on what a soul mate actually is and that itself could not lead me to answer any of them. Does your soul tell you whether a person is your soul mate? Are you supposed to talk to your soul to find the answer? How do you actually talk to your soul anyway? Is that mate of your soul supposed to have some sort of inner connection with you that nobody else has? Quoting from the dictionary this is what I've got;
soul mate
One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity.
If this is a mere definition of it, boy have I a whole lot of searching to do.
If this is a mere definition of it, boy have I a whole lot of searching to do.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Have your say
I seem to find ease by typing a whole lot of junk here. Since I've totally distant myself from various other forms of communicating tools, I've learnt to be less dependent on people in general. This might be the most pathetic thing to do, yet the most useful start to dig deep and search for better things to do. I blame it all on that silly boy down there, but again, it would contradict what I said yesterday if I decide not to take things positively.
So yeah, however fucked-up things are, and even if everything seems to go completely wrong, I.. shall.. breathe. Hard. Like never before. After all, as quoted by dad sometime last year, I literally have minor breathing problems. Why? Because I get high at the most unusual times (i.e. abrupt intolerable hyperness). Apparently, it has something to do with the amount of oxygen that fills up my brain. Its either too much or too little. Lack of balance, however you want to put it. Having said that, this must mean something apart from the literal sense, don't you think?
No, this does not mean I've taken a huge step towards my ultimate goal in becoming THE GIP (Tried, but failed. Lol). I still hold strong to this awful habit of procrastinating. I need that habit in me, because somehow or rather it keeps me going through my days. Procrastinating doesn't mean you don't do anything at all. You learn by doing things that people think might not be academic-related or do much towards your personal development. I personally believe that these things actually help you discover yourself and what makes you happy. It might be a drawing of your cat because it's the easiest thing to think of if you're lacking creativity (like myself). Gee, this doesn't sound all that great now, does it?
Its true. You'd appreciate and be thankful to those who care and those who don't give two fucks about you as well. They affect, in more ways than one.
So yeah, however fucked-up things are, and even if everything seems to go completely wrong, I.. shall.. breathe. Hard. Like never before. After all, as quoted by dad sometime last year, I literally have minor breathing problems. Why? Because I get high at the most unusual times (i.e. abrupt intolerable hyperness). Apparently, it has something to do with the amount of oxygen that fills up my brain. Its either too much or too little. Lack of balance, however you want to put it. Having said that, this must mean something apart from the literal sense, don't you think?
No, this does not mean I've taken a huge step towards my ultimate goal in becoming THE GIP (Tried, but failed. Lol). I still hold strong to this awful habit of procrastinating. I need that habit in me, because somehow or rather it keeps me going through my days. Procrastinating doesn't mean you don't do anything at all. You learn by doing things that people think might not be academic-related or do much towards your personal development. I personally believe that these things actually help you discover yourself and what makes you happy. It might be a drawing of your cat because it's the easiest thing to think of if you're lacking creativity (like myself). Gee, this doesn't sound all that great now, does it?
Its true. You'd appreciate and be thankful to those who care and those who don't give two fucks about you as well. They affect, in more ways than one.
Not the doctor
Oh my. Isn't it grand to come home to a surprise? Rationally speaking, it really would depend on whether that particular surprise possesses positive attributes or otherwise. Well, reasons set aside, today I received one. Come to think of it, it isn't really much of a surprise considering the fact that I sort of found out about it already. I am, being my usual confused self, excited and thrilled yet anxious and extremely afraid. But of course, everything is tentative. U-huh, the never ending hurdles in life is just always standing still right in front of my face. I wonder, what did I do to this amazing noun called LIFE because all he or she (gender yet to be discovered) does is make things incredibly difficult for me. I would say the ratio between my fine easy moments and all the hardship I've managed (thank God) to endure would be a 2:934594759843769. Of course, I'm just coming up with a random figure without putting other factors such as age, gender, religion etcetera into account.
Which leaves me thinking. Some girls my age are living the life out of their parents' hard-earned fulus. Not that I have anything against that. I sincerely believe rezeki comes in all shapes and sizes, and these girls are getting them in the form of happiness that's made popular here on earth. I wonder when they will actually see things that are offered beyond that though. I mean it's cool if they do and they just don't publicize it. As always, some might think this is just another way of stereotyping but I reckon the act of inappreciativeness does only one single thing; it lets your true colors shine.
The other bunch on the other hand are they, who seem to struggle their way through life as if they're little kids in Burma trying to find food to put on the table and clothing to keep them warm because of God's way of testing us (i.e. the natural disaster known as 'cyclone'). Girls like these are very determined and strong. And the only obvious reason why they are the way they are is how they've been brought up. They strive to great lengths, and fall off the cliff numerous times. Despite all this, they're patient, and they complain less. They see things positively in every way possible, and they learn so much that I just can't express how I admire these people.
From my lower secondary to my upper secondary days, I've seen it all. I've seen how different people see different things in various angles. I've been through the whole "Oi, kau ingat kau comel ke nak bising dengan suara nyaring kau tu? Lawa sangat ah tu tak pakai tudung. Kau memang pantang." to "Oh my God, poyo gila dia tu. Like please lah, I'm the one who should be with him in the first place."
Now that I've passed that phase and I've grown out of those kiddish high school moments, I should be damn proud of where I've ended. I should be grasping opportunities as they fly by. As reality speaks, what each and every individual go through is pretty subjective. Everyone is open to all possibilities. Everyone is given a chance. Everyone has different ways of approaching it. Mine would be different from yours. If I wait a little longer, I might end up with yours and you would end up with mine. And you never know, the odds of that might just make the world a better place for the both of us.
Time, space, and worlds that collide. That's pretty much what there is to it.
Which leaves me thinking. Some girls my age are living the life out of their parents' hard-earned fulus. Not that I have anything against that. I sincerely believe rezeki comes in all shapes and sizes, and these girls are getting them in the form of happiness that's made popular here on earth. I wonder when they will actually see things that are offered beyond that though. I mean it's cool if they do and they just don't publicize it. As always, some might think this is just another way of stereotyping but I reckon the act of inappreciativeness does only one single thing; it lets your true colors shine.
The other bunch on the other hand are they, who seem to struggle their way through life as if they're little kids in Burma trying to find food to put on the table and clothing to keep them warm because of God's way of testing us (i.e. the natural disaster known as 'cyclone'). Girls like these are very determined and strong. And the only obvious reason why they are the way they are is how they've been brought up. They strive to great lengths, and fall off the cliff numerous times. Despite all this, they're patient, and they complain less. They see things positively in every way possible, and they learn so much that I just can't express how I admire these people.
From my lower secondary to my upper secondary days, I've seen it all. I've seen how different people see different things in various angles. I've been through the whole "Oi, kau ingat kau comel ke nak bising dengan suara nyaring kau tu? Lawa sangat ah tu tak pakai tudung. Kau memang pantang." to "Oh my God, poyo gila dia tu. Like please lah, I'm the one who should be with him in the first place."
Now that I've passed that phase and I've grown out of those kiddish high school moments, I should be damn proud of where I've ended. I should be grasping opportunities as they fly by. As reality speaks, what each and every individual go through is pretty subjective. Everyone is open to all possibilities. Everyone is given a chance. Everyone has different ways of approaching it. Mine would be different from yours. If I wait a little longer, I might end up with yours and you would end up with mine. And you never know, the odds of that might just make the world a better place for the both of us.
Time, space, and worlds that collide. That's pretty much what there is to it.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Stepping stones
I have failed to incessantly stop depending on the internet for the purpose of ranting about the glorious ups and downs of this 'yes-I-tell-myself-its-marvelous-to-make-me-feel-better' life of mine. I thought I had it all wrapped up in my old space, for I made a mental note to myself that I shall not spend ridiculous amounts of hours composing a mouthful of words that seem to add up to nothing. Frankly, I admit that nobody could really make sense of what I used to write most of the time. I don't blame them, because I always tend to go on and on being too verbose, and consequently fail to prove my point. Sheesh. Well, hope I don't sound too boring already, because I am currently placed in a fairly satisfying room condition (i.e. dimmed lights with the rain pouring outside.. okay maybe not. It WAS pouring, but I think it's only drizzling now) with a cup of creamy hot chocolate for the extra fix.
The weather's been depressing throughout. Thank God its the weekend, saves the burden of getting all soaked when you're hopping on and off the tram. I'm thinking of getting myself a yellow raincoat, the same color to what I once had when I was 4. I remember it had a little picture of a house next to a rainbow printed at the bottom left of the coat, and I packed it in my mini backpack together with my red lunch box everyday to Montessori. It's great to be able to recall the little things that happened when you were young, it makes you smile to think that everything seemed to be all nice and dandy as a kid..
...before you snap back to reality and you realize that you have exactly one (1) month to your final exams. What a let down. Good to know that I did have much going on the whole day. Finally after two (2) months of moving into this humble (maybe a tad snobbish) abode of mine, I got around doing some intense cleaning (i.e. vacuuming). Lol. Yes, I reckon that's considered intense enough when you hardly even arrange your books properly on your shelf. Okay, this is quite a bad impression of myself but I'm not all that untidy really. Its just that I leave everything to the end, and well, that's why the rough patches need extra attention and care.
I thought I had it all in good hands this time. I thought I had something to fall back onto. I thought the time has come for me to deserve a little bit more than before. Maybe it's just another decade of waiting, waiting, and more waiting. God forbid, I don't wanna feel how I felt a couple of hours ago. I'm walking on ice.
The weather's been depressing throughout. Thank God its the weekend, saves the burden of getting all soaked when you're hopping on and off the tram. I'm thinking of getting myself a yellow raincoat, the same color to what I once had when I was 4. I remember it had a little picture of a house next to a rainbow printed at the bottom left of the coat, and I packed it in my mini backpack together with my red lunch box everyday to Montessori. It's great to be able to recall the little things that happened when you were young, it makes you smile to think that everything seemed to be all nice and dandy as a kid..
...before you snap back to reality and you realize that you have exactly one (1) month to your final exams. What a let down. Good to know that I did have much going on the whole day. Finally after two (2) months of moving into this humble (maybe a tad snobbish) abode of mine, I got around doing some intense cleaning (i.e. vacuuming). Lol. Yes, I reckon that's considered intense enough when you hardly even arrange your books properly on your shelf. Okay, this is quite a bad impression of myself but I'm not all that untidy really. Its just that I leave everything to the end, and well, that's why the rough patches need extra attention and care.
I thought I had it all in good hands this time. I thought I had something to fall back onto. I thought the time has come for me to deserve a little bit more than before. Maybe it's just another decade of waiting, waiting, and more waiting. God forbid, I don't wanna feel how I felt a couple of hours ago. I'm walking on ice.
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